Embodying Survival Course
Understand Your Nervous System and Reclaim Your Power
Welcome to Embodying Survival, a trauma-informed guide to help you understand how your body responds to stress and survival, and most importantly—how to gently come back to safety and connection.
This page is here to help you:
Recognise survival states (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Appease)
Identify common behaviours linked to these states
Gently shift from survival to presence using body-based tools
Recognising & Supporting Yourself Through Survival States
Understanding these responses can help you become more aware of how your body reacts to stress. The key to shifting out of survival mode is compassionate awareness and gentle nervous system support.
Pause & Notice: Acknowledge when you’re in a survival response without judgment.
Breathe: Slow, intentional breathing helps signal safety to your nervous system.
Move Your Body: Walking, stretching, or shaking out tension can release trapped energy.
Grounding Practices: Using your senses (touch, sound, sight) can help bring you back into the present.
Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that these responses are natural and were developed to protect you.
By recognising these patterns and gently supporting yourself, you can move towards a greater sense of safety, self-worth, and connection.
💬 Want Support Integrating This?
This work is deeply personal, and you don’t have to do it alone. In the Embodying Survival course, you’ll be guided with trauma-informed tools, compassionate support, and somatic practices to shift from survival to safety, and begin embodying your worth.
If this feels too overwhelming to explore on your own, reach out to a professional or book a free 20 min consultation with me and I can gentle support you: 121 or Couples — Vicki Plomer
⚠️ Gentle Disclaimer:
This information is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy or professional mental health support. Please seek appropriate care if exploring these topics feels overwhelming or triggering.
You are not broken. Your body has always been trying to protect you. Now, it's time to return to yourself—with compassion, clarity and connection.
How to Work Through Your Survival Response
A step-by-step process for when your body feels heightened, stressed, or uncertain.
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Take a moment to slow down and notice your body.
Is your breath shallow or tight?
Do you feel overwhelmed, frozen, restless, or overly focused on others?
Do you feel disconnected or unsure?
If you’re unsure which survival response you’re in:
📝 Take the “Survival Response” Quiz.
Let your answers guide you gently toward more understanding. -
This is a beautiful opportunity to gently familiarise your body with support tools.
✨ Explore and Learn:
Watch and practise each of the 5 video practices for Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Appease (1 time each).
Notice which ones your body responds to with relief or curiosity.
💛 Choose 1–2 practices that feel nourishing or effective.
📅 Practise them once or twice a day for the next week, so your nervous system starts building a felt sense of safety and familiarity. -
Step 3: If You Are in a Survival Response Right Now
First, be kind to yourself—your body is trying to protect you.
➡️ Identify which response feels most active (based on the quiz below or what you sense: anger, shutdown, anxiety, people-pleasing, etc.)
🎥 Go to that specific section below and practise all 5 exercises in the video library for that response.
💡 Notice which one brings the most soothing, grounding, or relief.
🔁 Repeat this 1 practice several times throughout your day—especially when symptoms rise or your body signals distress.🗓 Continue practising this for 3 days, a few times daily.
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Once your nervous system starts to soften and you feel less activated:
🌼 Come back to explore the other survival responses slowly—there may be more layers to how your body responds to stress.
💖 Always listen to your body. Do not rush.
✨ This is not about “fixing” anything—it's about building trust and safety within.
Gentle Reminders:
🌿 Less is more—just 1 practice a day is enough if that’s all you have capacity for.
💫 Your body is wise. It will begin to trust new patterns over time.
🌸 Compassion is key—this is a journey, not a race.
🌱 Identify Your Survival Response Quiz
Take the reflective quiz to explore which survival state you may be living from most often. Focused on body signals, behaviour patterns, and emotional coping.
Meet Your Guide: Vicki Plomer
Who I Am:
I’m Vicki Plomer, a trauma-informed practitioner and emotional well-being expert with a passion for helping people to reconnect with their self-worth. As a mother, dancer, and someone deeply connected to my own healing journey, I bring a unique blend of heart-centred compassion and practical tools to empower your growth.
Through years of experience, I’ve cultivated a space where people can feel truly seen, valued, and supported. My approach is grounded in empathy, authenticity, and a belief that healing starts with reconnecting to your body and your truth.
What I Offer:
A trauma-informed and compassionate approach that values your individual journey.
Tools to help you honour your needs and live in alignment with your authentic self.
Guidance in embodying self-worth and creating deeper connections with others.
Why I Do This Work:
I believe that setting boundaries isn’t just about saying “no”; it’s about saying “yes” to yourself and your desires. My mission is to help people step into their power with confidence, compassion, and ease.
Understanding the Fight, Flight, Freeze & Appease Responses
When we experience stress, overwhelm, or trauma, our nervous system automatically activates survival responses designed to protect us. These are known as Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Appease. These states are deeply rooted in our biology and can shape our thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and even our relationships.
Recognising these responses in your body can help you build awareness, self-compassion, and new ways to support yourself through challenging moments.
🔥 FIGHT: Mobilising for Protection
When your nervous system is in a Fight response, it believes the safest way to survive is by fighting back — through control, confrontation, or action. This state mobilises intense energy and emotion, often beneath the surface of anger, frustration, or defensiveness. The fight response doesn’t always look like rage — it can also show up as control, rigidity, and over-efforting.
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Increased heart rate or a pounding chest
Tense muscles, clenched jaw, or tight fists
A rush of heat through the body or flushed face
A strong urge to act, fix, argue, or take control
Rapid breathing, often in the chest rather than the belly
A surge of frustration, irritability, or explosive energy
A sense of urgency, pressure, or inner chaos
Your body may feel like it’s gearing up to defend itself — even if the threat is emotional, relational, or unconscious.
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In Fight, your actions are often about regaining control, proving safety through strength, or defending your boundaries — even when you're not consciously aware of it.
Arguing, shouting, or snapping at loved ones
Becoming defensive or overly protective of your point of view
Controlling others or situations to feel safe
Rigid thinking or refusing to compromise — needing things “your way”
Micro-managing, obsessing over small details
Over-explaining or trying to “convince” others of your truth
Judging others harshly or gossiping as a subconscious way to elevate yourself
Over-exercising or chasing physical perfection to reclaim control over the body
Becoming competitive or dominant in conversations or dynamics
Feeling easily triggered by perceived disrespect or disloyalty
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The Fight response is the nervous system’s way of saying: “Protect yourself. Push back. Take control.”
This instinct arises when your body senses a threat and believes that mobilising energy to confront or challenge the situation is the safest way forward. It prepares you to defend yourself — not just physically, but emotionally and mentally too.
This pattern often develops in environments where:
You had to stand up for yourself to feel heard or stay safe
You were criticised, shamed, or dismissed — and learned to protect your sense of worth
There was unpredictability or chaos, and the only way to feel in control was to take charge
Your boundaries were violated, and anger became a necessary shield
You were taught — directly or indirectly — that being strong = being safe
In childhood or stressful situations, expressing anger may have been your only way to feel powerful when you felt small, unheard, or hurt. Over time, the body starts to equate safety with asserting, controlling, or defending — often without realising that those instincts are still being activated in the present moment.
This can show up as:
A quick temper or defensiveness
A need to be “right” in conversations
Rigid thinking or difficulty compromising
Over-controlling behaviours or perfectionism
A harsh inner critic turned outward or inward
Beneath the armour of fight is usually a younger part of you — longing for protection, validation, and connection.
Through the Embodying Survival course, you’ll begin to meet that part of you with compassion, and safely explore ways to move that protective energy through your body — not suppress it, not shame it — but gently channel it in ways that honour both your strength and your softness.
This isn’t about getting rid of the fight response — it’s about healing the places where you had to fight alone, and discovering a new kind of safety in empowered presence.
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💨 Breathing: Try box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4)
🏃♀️ Movement: Walk briskly or shake your arms to release energy
💬 Connected conversation: Talk to someone safe about your feelings
🧠 Challenge thinking: Ask, “Is this really a threat, or does it feel like one from my past?”
🚿 Water: Cold splash to face or hands to reset the system
🏃 FLIGHT: Escaping the Threat
When your nervous system is in a Flight response, it believes the best way to stay safe is to outrun the threat—emotionally, physically, or mentally. This can look like high productivity, restlessness, or needing to constantly stay busy. Underneath, there's often a fear of stillness or being overwhelmed by what's present.
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A sense of restlessness, jittery legs, or bouncing knees
Increased heart rate and rapid, shallow breathing
A constant urge to move, fidget, or get away
Feeling lightheaded, anxious, or disconnected from the moment
Racing thoughts, excessive planning, or an inability to focus
Tightness in the chest or tension in the belly
These body signals are your nervous system preparing to run from a perceived threat—even if that threat is emotional, not physical.
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You may not always feel unsafe, but your actions can tell a deeper story. These are common Flight-based behaviours:
Overworking or staying constantly busy to avoid discomfort
Perfectionism or fear of failure—believing that if you get it all “right,” you’ll finally be safe
Over-planning or obsessing about the future to gain control
Scrolling on your phone, binge-watching TV, or compulsively researching as a way to escape
Over-exercising to burn off nervous energy
Social withdrawal or last-minute cancellations when things feel too overwhelming
Feeling the need to physically escape—going for long drives, suddenly leaving a room, or fantasising about changing jobs, homes or entire lifestyles
People pleasing to avoid potential confrontation or conflict
Feeling unable to be still or settle in one place
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The Flight response is the nervous system’s way of saying: “Get away. Move. Escape now.”
When your body perceives a threat — real or remembered — it instinctively mobilises energy to help you flee from danger. This could mean physically leaving a room, walking away from conflict, or emotionally distancing yourself from discomfort.
It’s a deeply wired survival pattern that once served a very real purpose. In situations where running, avoiding, or staying busy helped reduce pain, fear, or overwhelm, the nervous system learned that movement = safety.
Over time, this can develop into automatic behaviours like:
Constant busyness or overworking
Struggling to rest or “do nothing”
Avoiding stillness because it feels unsafe
Becoming anxious in silence or slowness
Distracting yourself with productivity, scrolling, or perfectionism
This response often begins in childhood or high-stress environments where:
You had to stay ahead of others’ moods to avoid being hurt or criticised
Conflict or chaos was constant, and “keeping moving” felt like the only control you had
Emotional needs weren’t met, so disconnection or distraction became the way to cope
You were praised or valued for being high-achieving, productive, or busy — reinforcing that worth is tied to doing rather than being
Flight can feel like racing thoughts, restlessness, or a body that can’t settle. But underneath, it’s a brilliant survival strategy — one that worked at the time.
This course offers a compassionate space to slow down safely. Not by forcing stillness, but by gently meeting the part of you that’s been running. You’ll learn how to invite calm without shutting down your energy, reconnect with your breath and body, and discover that you don’t have to run to be safe anymore.
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🧍♀️ Orienting: Look around the room slowly and name what you see
🚶♀️ Slow movement: Grounded walking, swaying side to side
💧 Hydration: Sip warm herbal tea or water slowly
💨 Breathing: Elongated exhale breath (inhale 4, exhale 6)
📓 Grounding thought: “I am safe. I don’t need to rush.”
❄️ FREEZE: Shutdown & Numbness
The Freeze response is the body’s way of saying “It’s too much — I can’t handle this right now.”
When fight or flight aren’t possible or safe, the nervous system can shift into shutdown — creating a deep stillness or numbness as a protective state.
This isn't laziness or lack of motivation — it’s your body trying to keep you safe by dampening sensation and slowing everything down.
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Feeling numb, emotionally flat, or like you're “not really here”
Heavy limbs, hard to move or get going
Shallow breathing or holding your breath without noticing
Overwhelming tiredness, even without much activity
A sense of fog, confusion, or being spaced out
Difficulty speaking or feeling like your voice is stuck
Disconnection from the body or surroundings
It can feel like the world is happening around you — and you’re watching it from a distance.
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Freeze doesn’t just show up as stillness. It can also manifest through avoidance, dissociation, and comfort-seeking behaviours that help soften the overload.
Procrastination or paralysis when needing to make decisions
Avoiding messages, emails, or social interactions
Binge-watching TV or endlessly scrolling without awareness
Withdrawing, isolating, or becoming emotionally unavailable
Dissociating — feeling disconnected from your body or environment
Eating for comfort or stimulation, even when not hungry
Zoning out in conversations, unable to express yourself
Oversleeping or needing frequent naps
Struggling to remember things, stay focused, or complete tasks
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The Freeze response is the nervous system’s last resort when it assesses that neither fighting nor fleeing is possible. When danger feels overwhelming and inescapable, the body instinctively shuts down to protect you.
This is not weakness. It’s wisdom.
This response is deeply rooted in our biology — much like animals who freeze when caught by a predator (think of a deer frozen in headlights or a possum playing dead). In humans, it can look like:
Feeling paralysed or numb
Shutting down emotionally or physically
Disconnection from thoughts, body, or surroundings
Inability to speak, move, or take action
Emotional flatness or dissociation
This survival strategy often develops in environments where:
Escape wasn’t possible, such as childhood homes where running away, fighting back, or expressing big emotions was unsafe or ignored
You were overwhelmed, and your body simply couldn’t process what was happening
You were frozen by fear, confusion, shame, or helplessness
There was no safe adult to co-regulate with, leaving your system to go into shutdown on its own
Over time, your nervous system can begin to default to this pattern even when the original threat is no longer present — especially if rest, stillness, or slowness weren’t modelled as safe or supportive experiences.
Freeze is your body saying: “If I can’t escape, and I can’t fight, I’ll become invisible. I’ll disappear so I don’t feel this pain.”
This course gently invites you to come back into connection with your body — not through force, but through safety, kindness, and soft reconnection. You don’t need to rush. It’s about waking up the body slowly, reminding it that it’s safe to feel again.
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🧘 Small movement: Gently roll shoulders, wiggle fingers, or tap feet
🌬️ Sniff-sniff-exhale breath to wake the system
🔍 Sensory input: Touch a textured object or use a scented oil (sharp smell like Olbus Oil)
👣 Grounding: 5-4-3-2-1 senses exercise
✅ Micro-action: Do one small thing (e.g., reply to one message)
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A tight chest, fluttery heart, or churning stomach
A shaky voice, or feeling like your words aren't fully your own
A subtle sense of shrinking, like you're making yourself smaller
Feeling guilty, responsible for others’ emotions or reactions
Smiling while overwhelmed, feeling pressure to stay “nice”
Shallow breath and a tension in the belly or throat
A deep anxiety around upsetting others or being rejected
Feeling exhausted from always keeping the peace
It often feels like you’re betraying your truth — just to belong.
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Fawning shows up not only in relationships with others, but also in the way you relate to yourself, your voice, and your boundaries.
Saying yes when your body is saying no
Over-explaining, justifying, or softening your truth to avoid conflict
Prioritising others’ needs so much that your own feel invisible
Avoiding boundaries or feeling guilt for even thinking about them
Over-sharing as a way to create closeness or avoid rejection
Constantly checking your phone for reassurance or approval
Apologising excessively, even when you’ve done nothing wrong
Drinking or using substances to ease social discomfort or mask emotions
Nodding in agreement while internally feeling the opposite
Fear of asking for help, expressing need, or appearing “too much”
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The Appease response develops when your nervous system learns that belonging, approval, and peacekeeping are essential for survival.
It often forms in early environments where:
Conflict felt unsafe — perhaps it led to shouting, rejection, withdrawal, or punishment
Love and approval were conditional — you may have received warmth only when you were agreeable, helpful, or emotionally low-maintenance
Being “good” or selfless was praised — while expressing anger, needs, or boundaries was met with discomfort or disapproval
You had to attune to others (like a caregiver’s mood or a partner’s needs) to stay connected or avoid harm
You were taught to keep the peace, to be the peacemaker, the “easy child”, the one who smoothed everything over
In these environments, your body began to associate safety with being pleasing, likable, and emotionally available to others — no matter the cost to yourself.
Over time, this pattern becomes embedded in your nervous system. It’s not weakness — it’s intelligence. Your body is trying to keep you safe the best way it knows how.
But when this response becomes chronic, it can leave you feeling disconnected from your truth, resentful, burnt out, and unseen.
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🧍♀️ Boundary body check: Ask, "What do I actually feel and need right now?"
🗣️ Practice saying no to small things
🌬️ Grounded breathing: Hand on heart and belly, breathing slowly
✍️ Reflective journaling: "Where did I abandon myself today?"
💞 Compassionate reminder: You are allowed to take up space.
🤝 APPEASE: Fawning to Stay Safe
The Appease response is rooted in our nervous system’s deep wisdom:
“If I stay liked, needed, or useful — I’ll be safe.”
It’s often overlooked, but fawning is a powerful survival strategy. It shows up when your body senses danger and reaches for connection, seeking to placate, please, or perform to maintain safety in relationships — often at the expense of your own needs.
🌺 What’s Next?
You don’t have to walk this healing journey alone.
Whether you're starting to recognise your survival patterns or are ready to embody deeper safety and connection, having the right support can help you feel held, seen, and empowered.
Join Awakening Souls
A nurturing online space for women who are ready to soften attachment behaviours, reconnect with themselves, and awaken the wisdom held in their bodies.
Inside this ongoing monthly membership, you’ll receive:
✨ A Monthly Guided Exploration
Each month centres around a new theme to support your healing. You’ll be guided through gentle somatic practices, reflection prompts, and embodied tools to help you stay connected in daily life.
📱 Ongoing Support via Private Voxer Group
Receive compassionate, on-the-go voice note coaching from Vicki, plus daily somatic prompts and reflections to keep you anchored, even when life feels full.
🤝 Community Connection
Feel part of a supportive group of like-minded women on a similar path—sharing insights, encouragement, and real human connection.
💬 Live Group Support + Reflection
A monthly Zoom session offers a space to integrate your growth, celebrate your journey, and be lovingly witnessed just as you are
🧘♀️ Meditation Library
A library of meditations for you to access whenever you need.
🌅 Morning Movement
2x Somatic Movement Sessions Tuesday & Thursday mornings
👉 Click here to explore Awakening Souls
Or, Book a 1:1 Session with Vicki
If you're seeking deeper, personalised support, my one-to-one sessions offer a compassionate space for you to explore your survival patterns, reconnect with your true self, and embody your emotional resilience.
✨ Together we’ll explore what’s emerging in your body, in your relationships, and in your healing journey—at your pace, with trauma-informed care.
Remember:
Your healing matters.
Your voice matters.
You matter.
You are worthy of support, connection, and a life that feels like yours. Healing is not about becoming someone new—it’s about returning home to yourself.
With love,
Vicki x